JUST ACROSS THE STREET, LOOKS A MILE TO MY FEET
Chapter Seven: I Need Answers For What All The Waiting I've Done Means
Interactive
The night went off without a hitch after Tom and I made our agreement to leave my bachlorette party together. Nobody knew, although I did get a few curious glances from my friends, Harry was thankfully having fun with Steven's sister so she didn't wonder about Tom and I. After our dance we spent more time amongst everyone else, after all I had guests. I was happy, really happy and it made me realize that maybe I hadn't been as happy as I thought I was before Tom came along. With the happiness though, came doubt and nerves. This wasn't just a game for Tom was it? I mean he was going to pull through with the 'forever and always', right? I suppose even if he wasn't I still wouldn't have been happy living the life I had set out for Steven and I.
Yes, Tom traveled but I liked that. I was never the kind of girl that needed to latch on to a guy, I liked my space away from them and to have my own free time. Writing helped me to do that, I realized that perhaps Tom had me over to write the other day to show me we could still live our dreams while having a life together. There were a lot of things to sort out tonight if I was actually going to make a concrete decision, so I switched from alcohol to water. When Tom asked me if I wanted another drink I said water and he got us both waters before going back over to dance with , and Dougie.
"I think you owe me a dance." I came up behind Danny and he turned grinning at me. He pulled me closer and we started to dance to the upbeat song without touching, singing along. Danny leaned forward towards my ear so I could hear him better.
"How do you think Steven's gonna take it?" He backed away to see my face and I realized all of the guys must have known something more was going on with Tom and I, how could they not? I was almost surprised they weren't mad at me for seeming to string Tom along, although it had only been a few days. But with Tom since we had a history it didn't feel like only a few days at all.
"How would you take it?" I said leaning closer and he left it at that with a nod, quickly switching over to shout the wrong lyrics with the song, I laughed.
-SPRING, AGE 17-
"You wouldn't actually move back to Canada, would you?" Tom asked as we spent the day laying around in the court yard at school.
"It rains here." I teased, but the truth was I didn't mind the rain at all, Tom was watching me with a serious face.
"You wouldn't leave, would you?" He meant if things didn't work out with writing here, what would I do, where would I go?
"I wouldn't want to leave you." I explained rolling onto my stomach closer to him. "I love you." I smiled pulling at his collar so his lips would meet mine. His arm draped over my back as he positioned himself closer to me.
"Love is all you need, right?" He asked smiling at me quickly before kissing me again, this time for longer. Kissing Tom was like a dream come true, it felt like it just fit perfectly. You know how people kiss a few different partners and then they find someone they can kiss perfectly, I got mine early, I was lucky that way.
"Ew! Stop making out in the court yard!" 's voice yelled and we laughed moving away from one another to see her approaching with Chase Patrick, they had started dating over Christmas break. They were good together, only they were the ones usually making out in the court yard not us!
"Your rooms free, lets get out of here!" Tom teased snuggling me closer to his chest. I giggled smiling at him as he pulled away and and Chase joined us on the blanket. "If you went to Canada, I'd go after you." He finished softly.
"Do we have everything?" shouted even though she didn't have too, she was a little drunk but apparently in on the me going home with Tom plan. The guys 'left' about fifteen minutes before us and were going to wait outside. and I were going to go and meet them and take cabs with them home.
"Yes!" I yelled back and she laughed slinging an arm around me as we waved goodbye to the rest of the girls, guys giving us hollers as we retreated from the club. As soon as we stepped outside and said goodbye to the bouncers I saw the guys standing over to the left. I went straight for Tom and hugged onto his middle, he didn't hesitate to hug me back. I laughed and pulled away smiling at him. I could only wonder what this whole thing looked like to people, then I realized the people around weren't the only ones in on the scene.
"McFly! Boys over here!" PICTURES! I looked away from them horrified, there was going to be pictures of us in cabs together.
"You girls go in a cab together, we'll meet you at the flats." Tom said softly and I nodded hailing a cab with who was grinning as the flashes caught her standing with McFly. I practically pulled her into the cab, the pictures would be priceless, I was dressed as a little white dress bride.
Finally when we arrived to Tom's house I paid the cab and we got out to go sit on his steps. We were silent for a few minutes while we waited until turned to me.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked.
"It's one way of finding out." I joked just as the cab turned in. Harry was paying as the rest of them got out of the cab.
", few drinks at mine?" Danny asked grinning. "The boys aren't ready to hit the sheets." She nodded eagerly and pushed up giving me small wave and a wink of good luck as Tom approached me. I pushed up and he smiled that sideways smile, putting an arm around my shoulders as he went to unlock the door. I had to wonder where Steven was at this point and what he was doing. Was he going to be mad when he got home and I wasn't there?
Tom shut the door behind us and instantly spun around picking me up in an excited hug laughing. I grinned giggling with him as he swayed me a little gripping onto him to stay up.
"I am so glad you are with me." He whispered into my ear and I grinned bigger, holding him tighter. "Want something to change into?" He grinned setting me down carefully.
"Yes please." I replied as we started to take our shoes off.
"So when are you going to move in, tomorrow?" He asked half joking though he looked excited as he led me to the kitchen where he started making some coffee, I had a feeling tonight would be a long one. I laughed shaking my head at his silliness. Sometimes Tom's kid-ish smile came out when he laughed and it reminded me of when we were once teenagers. He left the coffee to brew and we went upstairs to change, I went for the bathroom, looking in the mirror I took off my vail. I suppose this was the closest I was going to be to being a bride for a while. The thought actually made me sad, even though I knew I was happier with Tom I was still possibly about to step away from a big chunk of my life. Regardless of my simple love for Steven it was still a love, part of my heart was going to fall apart. I had been so sure with him and now while I was doing this I had nearly no answers but for some reason I was grinning at myself in the mirror. Tom knocked on the door-frame smiling at me, that dimple showing.
"We have one Wicked sweater," He threw his favorite musical sweater at me and I grinned. "A Back To The Future t-shirt." He smiled throwing another thing at me. "And blue plaid boxers, is that good?" He tossed them over and I nodded eagerly catching them. He chuckled getting one last glance at my outfit and shut the door shaking his head with a smile. I changed quickly and washed my face. "I'll be right back up, getting the coffee!" Tom said through the door.
"Kay!" I said back reaching for my clutch and pulling out my mobile, I had no new messages or missed calls. I suppose that meant Steven was having fun, which was a good thing. I couldn't bare to think what this would do to him, I had made a promise to marry him and start a life with him and it was all just going to end. Who would he turn to when I had Tom?
I left the bathroom behind and went to Tom's bedroom, setting my things in a pile on his desk. I snuggled up at the top of his bed grabbing his favorite blanket from the foot of the bed and putting it over my legs.
"Still like it one milk two sugars?" Tom asked as he entered his room again looking dressed for bed as well, reaching a mug out towards me.
"Yes, you know me to well Fletcher." I joked put he grinned at this and sat down leaning towards me to get a quick kiss. I smiled at him and blew on my coffee before taking a careful sip.
"Share the blanket!" He moaned tugging at it a little bit.
"Well get closer than!" I barked and he did after putting some music on on his laptop that was on his night table.
"Don't mind if I do." He smiled and put an arm around me sipping his coffee with the other. We were silent for a couple of minutes just soaking it all in, I hope for the both of us I was strong and selfish enough to end things with Steven. I didn't want to hurt him.
"I need some answers Tom." I finally got out looking at him for a second.
"Then ask your questions." He smiled encouragingly and I took in a breath, I didn't know which one I wanted to ask first. I felt like there were so many, but which ones were the most important?
"You want me to leave Steven, right?" I asked, I know it sounded like a stupid question but with something like this you really had to be completely honest and totally sure of everything involved. I had to know his side and he had to know mine, or there was no way this thing would pan out correctly.
"I want you to leave Steven, as much as that sucks. But I want to be with you, I want us to have a life together." Tom explained and I sighed a little feeling relieved.
"You see me in your future?" I continued turning to look at him better and he nodded looking back at me.
"Do you really think I'd be asking you to break it off weeks before your wedding if I didn't plan on asking you to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me? With kids and pets and... everything in between?" His words washing over me and I just gazed at him with love in my eyes, I leaned closer and kissed him softly. I had to believe that this all wasn't just chance but that things were always meant to be. Tom and I had to be meant to be, how else had all of this happened for us? Tom just knew the perfect thing to say, I knew that morally I should have walked away from the whole thing but I couldn't. How could I walk away from something that was meant to be? Why would I even try to take the wheel of my fate when it lead me to Tom all on it's own? Everything we did was never to be in vain, it was all for a reason, to get us here, to the place where we were ready to spend forever together.
The windows were down as Tom's car drove towards my place, my hair blowing in the wind. We had stayed up almost the whole night talking and laughing. He pulled up to his usual spot and I noticed Steven's car wasn't anywhere in sight. I suppose he could have cabbed home last night and left his car at his friends. I turned to Tom smiling.
"You still look awesome with your bed head." He teased leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll call you later." I smiled at him one last time before leaving his car behind, walking barefoot to my door as I carried my things, his Wicked sweater over top of my little white dress. I waved when he honked before opening the door and dropping my shoes down, I was hungry. I made my way straight for the kitchen, yelling for Steven. I got no response in return and glanced at the clock to see it was just after nine in the morning, I wondered where he was. I grabbed some pie we had in the fridge and set it on the counter where I sat at a stool. Minutes later the door opened and I leaned back to see Steven walking in.
"Hey." I greeted and he glanced over at me, a small smile on his face. "Just getting in as well I see." I smiled.
"Yeah, have fun last night?" He started over after slipping his shoes off.
"Yes, thankfully there was no nudity." I joked dramatically and he chuckled, coming to give me a quick kiss before grabbing a fork for himself to eat some pie.
"Can't say the same thing for my night." He laughed and I just shook my head at the thought. "So, we should probably talk about what's going on with you and Tom." I tried not to show my shock as I took another bite of pie. "I just mean, it has to be a little more than you're telling me about."
"Steven..." I started trying to think of something to say.
"It's natural to have cold feet. And I figured you might have to have some kind fling or something, if you just need to get it out of your system then I'll overlook it. As long as we can spend our marriage having awesome make-up sex." He joked. He was actually joking right now, he thought his fiance was having a fling behind his back and this was how he was reacting?
"What the hell?" Was all I could say, who was he? What was he? Was he even human, did he feel emotions? "Are you insane?" I asked dumbfounded and he only chuckled.
"No, it's logical, people cheat all of the time." I stared at him with a blank stare, I could feel something boiling up, confusion maybe? Anger? Frustration?
"Wait a minute, you are willing to overlook my unfaithfulness with only weeks left before our wedding? That is assuming I was actually unfaithful." He wasn't angry, he didn't want to fight with me or for me? This was all so, un-normal, so unnatural and not right, being with Tom was seeming like the better idea as every second passed.
"That's his sweater is it not?" He asked eyeing it smugly and I looked down at it. Thats when it hit me.
"What happened last night?" I asked looking up at him and his face broke from cool, calm and collected to looking a little shocked and guilty. Was he only willing to forgive me because he had got back at me? "Wow, Steven... thats just great." I said jumping down from the stool and started for the bedroom.
"You can hardly be mad at me." He was walking behind me and I didn't even bother to turn around and glare at him. Break ups were hard regardless of if you had someone's arms to run to. Steven just made it harder.
"Was last night the first time you slept with someone else?" I asked bluntly, searching to closet for the luggage.
"Yes." He replied simply and I couldn't help it, I started to cry. The pain crept up from my gut and tried to choke me, stinging my eyes. A few silent tears fell and I whipped them away quickly. I felt embarrassed and stupid! How dare Steven make me feel this way, how disrespectful!
"You can't be mad at me , you're in love with Tom, thats so much worse." Steven explained to me and I jumped up with one of my suit cases, pushing passed him to get to the bed
"What, its worse to have not slept with someone I love verses you sleeping with someone you don't love?" I was practically yelling, I couldn't believe Steven had done this to me.
"Sort of yes... look I'm sorr-stop packing." He grabbed me as I tried to carry things from the drawer to my suitcase. ", I love you. I was upset about Tom and I just wanted to get back at you."
"Kind of ironic how our first ever fight is the one that ends it all, huh?" I laughed slightly, a dark laugh that brought more tears on as I pulled away from him.
"Don't say that." He pleaded, oh so now he wanted to fight for me?
"I don't even want to look at you, or touch you or..." I had to stop, the tears were choking me. I sat down on the bed with a big plop, why was this happening?
"Where are you going to go, to Tom? To him? I mean really, you'll both realize you were just looking for excitement and you'll want to come back. I'll let you ." Steven was just more and more disgusting than I ever pictured or thought he could be! Did he have no respect, no honor?
"Tom was my first love, and I'm sorry that because of that all of this had to happen but right now I need you to leave." I got out pleading to him with my eyes. He reached for me and I leaned away, he hesitated then stepped back. "Please just go." He nodded and when I looked back up, he was gone.
I packed everything, I was surprised I could fit it all. Most of the things he could keep, they meant more to him than to me, besides Tom had everything at his place. I took a quick shower and changed into an outfit I had left for myself on the bed. I put Tom's sweater over top of my clothes and left the flat behind. I didn't call anyone, nobody knew any of this had happened. I wondered where was, just then my mobile buzzed.
1 New Message From I smiled with her timing.
'Girrrrrl, come over to Tom's. We're all chilling in the backyard!' I quickly sent her a message back that said 'Already on my way.'
I had finally made up my mind, I had finally just done it. Part of me wondered if Steven just slept with that girl to make it easier for me. If he did then I had to call him an idiot but thank him. When I pulled into the court Tom was sitting on his front steps waiting for me, must have told him I was coming. He smiled as I pulled in behind his Mini and I reached over to the passengers seat, grabbing one of my smaller suitcases before getting out. I shoved my sunglasses on top of my head and Tom was still smiling at me.
"Move in day?" Tom joked a little, his eye shining and I felt the fight Steven and I had stinging my eyes again. He noticed my lip tremble and he was quick to step towards me as I dropped my suitcase, grabbing both sides of my face in his hands. "Hey, it's OK." He soothed. I grabbed onto his wrists and nodded trying to smile through my tears, I was happy, I really was. I grabbed the shoulders of his shirt and pulled him closer kissing him.
"I love you." I said pulling away and the smile that spread across his face was priceless, it made my whole face light up as well.
"Well you should I'm awesome and I'm putting a roof over your head with absolutely no warning." He joked and I shoved him his hands falling from my face but he took my hand. "I love you too." I smiled and gave him a quick kiss before we started to unload my car and load his house with my stuff. As I entered the flat I could hear our friends out back, the door was open and their laughter was carrying inside.
"This is going to be good." I said to myself.
"We'll unpack later, lets go hang out." Tom said coming up behind me his hands grasping my waist.
"Sounds good." We started for the back deck and were instantly greeted by our friends. gave me a knowing smile and mine felt a little sad in-return. It was final and even though I was happy with my choice I was still devastated over having to cut someone I loved out of my life. Even though the love I felt for Tom was the strongest I had ever experienced love was still love, no matter how simple. I knew I would have to see Steven again, we would have to sort all of these things out, tie up loose ends. But today I just wanted to hang out with my friends and share smiles and kisses with Tom... the way it was supposed to be, the way it was always suppose to be.