I'VE GOT TO LET YOU KNOW
Standalone
Interactive
I watched as we aimlessly passed by car after car and all I could think about was . I tried to count how many red coloured cars I saw, that didn't help. What about black cars? I tried that as well and found I had no luck. I could feel the sick feeling in my stomach starting to rise and the pain of it increased as I heard the boys laughing about something in the back of the tour bus. 's laugh ringing in my ears. I bowed my head and thought about how horrible of a person must think I am. Here I go again, thinking about what thinks instead of thinking of what my actual boyfriend thinks. doesn't have a clue about any of this, but it doesn't change the fact that and I made a huge mistake.
"Hey , you okay?" I froze as I heard 's voice. I nodded not looking at him, I was too scared he would be able to read it on my face, or
see it in my eyes. I felt him sit on the couch beside me before he placed his hands on my shoulders.
"Just tired? Sick of us trolls?" He joked a smile in his voice and I could feel the sickness in my stomach increase
again, I was a terrible person.
"How much longer until we get to the hotel?" I asked leaning back into him, realizing he was closer than I thought. It wasn't that I didn't love , I did, what wasn't there to love? He was a great guy, he was funny, we got on like best friends, we just connected and had that chemistry and he was
totally gorgeous. He adored me and never failed to show me that, which I felt I had taken for granted.
"About half hour." He told me and I nodded, I needed to sleep this off. I needed to sleep off. I did do the right thing when I pushed away, I knew that, but it doesn't change the fact that I kissed him in the first place. If pushing him away was the right thing then why couldn't I stop thinking about kissing him? I had to tell , but what would I say, where would I start?
"Hey loveys'." sang as he walked in, instantly laughing at himself. He was such a strange boy.
"Hey ," I spoke looking at him with a smile.
"Come on ," spoke loudly ringing his arm around 's neck and messing around with his hair. I froze a little watching them, whining loudly, causing me to laugh lightly.
"I can't wait to eat!" announced strolling in from the back and taking
the seat on the other side of me.
I was thankful hadn't sat beside me,
he had the idea that I was funny putting me in uncomfortable situations. He must not have thought the kiss was a big deal, so he slightly joked about it, but not enough so the guys knew what he was talking about. I was hating
him right now, I needed to talk to him before I let myself go completely insane.
"How do you always smell so nice? Even when you haven't shower."
asked me his nose resting on my shoulder. I smiled at him and pushed him back a little.
"It's my job." I told him and his eyes smiled at me, causing me to melt a little.
"It's my job," teased in a girly voice. I turned and glared at him, grabbing the pillow beside and chucking it at him.
"You're such a dick." I growled and the boys laughed.
"You guys have a lot of tension between you lately," pointed out and I
gave a look and he backed off a little.
"It's not my fault 's PMSing." He snarled smiling a little when
laughed.
"Well if she is then so are you, you big girl." spoke causing everyone
but to laugh.
"Guys don't have PMS." He announced and I snorted back a laugh.
"Good come back ." I spoke shaking my head at him.
Not to long after I found myself in front of 's hotel room, knocking
lightly. I told that I was coming to talk to to rid the tension between us. He didn't ask any questions, but figured it was something I needed to do and waved me off. I really needed to get this talk over with. He swung open the door and eyed me before smirking and stepping back for me to walk in.
"Coming to get a little action?" He asked cheekily and I walked passed him ignoring his comment.
"I came to tell you that I can't get that stupid kiss off my conscious and I'm going to tell ." I explained and he grabbed my arm making me look at him. I saw a very concerned look in his eyes.
"This is really going to hurt him." He told me and I nodded feeling slightly sick. "Are you sure?" He asked nervously and I nodded.
" I love him, I can't keep lying to him."
"It's not really lying if he doesn't ask." He replied seeming hopeful.
Apparently the kiss wasn't just nothing to him, he knew it was a bit of a big deal.
"If he did this to me I would die, I can't keep dragging this on." I told him shaking my head.
"It's only been three days." He informed me and I nodded.
"I know, which is why I need to tell him, sooner is better than later."
He nodded with my words, giving in. "What are you going to tell him?" He asked and I sighed shrugging slightly.
"I haven't got a clue." I confessed and he gave me a sad smile bringing me in for a hug.
"No matter what happens, I'm here for you ." He told me and I nodded
into his chest.
"Thank you , so we're cool then?" I asked, and he nodded as I pulled
away.
"We're cool ." He winked with a small smile and I gave him a nod before
leaving his room.
I felt my whole body fill with nerves and wondered how the hell I would work up the strength to say this to . I walked slowly down the hall thinking about the past couple of days and the kiss filled my mind.
'I was sitting at the bar of the hotel with , all the other boys were not feeling in for a drink so the both of us decided to go by ourselves. I finished mine and was feeling buzzed thanks to the couple of beers I had during the show.
"I've got a good buzz, how about you?" asked also finishing up his drink.
"Me too." I told him and he smiled stepping down from the bar stool and giving me his hand. I smiled my thanks as we headed for the lift. I smiled thinking about getting to snuggle close to as he slept. I loved the feeling of having him all to myself, when he was sleeping he looked so untouched and peaceful. I loved knowing I could cuddle up close to him and feel his body heat almost without him knowing.
and I reached the lift and got in, I dropped my purse to the floor and
glanced at the buttons, pressing our floor carefully. I smiled to myself, feeling a little giggly and went to step back but the heel of my shoe caught on my purse. reached out and held me up, giving me a chance to regain my balance and face him.
"Sorry, thanks." I mumbled feeling stupid but he just stared at me. I realized how close we were and froze, it seemed as if I only blinked and his lips were touching mine. I felt his arms hold me tightly and my hands grasped onto his shoulders. I felt our mouths open a little more and I freaked realizing just who I was kissing. I quickly shoved him away and looked at him horrified.
"Oh my god , what the hell did we just do?" I asked starting to
panic.
"Wow, calm down, it was nothing, nobody saw! It didn't happen." He explained and I calmed down a little looking at him trying to figure my thoughts out.
"This didn't happen." I mumbled before grabbing my purse as the doors opened and I walked out. "Thanks for the drink." I spoke feeling awkward before heading to my room.'
I frowned thinking of it all, I prayed would understand and not totally hate me. What would I do if he broke up with me? What would I do if he hated ? I shook it all off and got my room key out, slowly I slipped it into the door and pulled at the handle.
"How's the PMS queen, meaning not you." He smiled as I walked in
and I closed my eyes trying to focus, if I didn't get this out now I never would.
"We need to talk." I told him, that probably wasn't the best way to start it off, he probably thinks he did something wrong.
"Am I in trouble?" He asked and I shook my head pushing him to take a seat as tears started to form slightly. My body stung with the feeling of knowing he just might never forgive me. "What's wrong, why are you crying?" He
asked frantically grabbing my arms trying to comfort me.
"I love you , but I know that wont change how your going to feel
when I tell you this." I got out, my lips trembling a little.
"Okay, wow what is going on? What's happened to you?" He asked sitting me down. I knew I had to do it like a band-aid.
"I kissed ." I spoke, and felt my whole entire heart break into a
million pieces. It was at that moment I realized I was totally in love with and there was no one else I'd rather be with. The look on his face made my stomach twist.
"Just now?" He asked trying to stay calm, but I saw his hands balled into fists. I shook my head and he gave me a confused look. "Then when?" He asked louder and I flinched.
"Three days ago." I got out softly.
"And it took you this long to tell me!?" He asked taking a stand, not being able to sit.
"Yes it took me this long , you have to realize this was hard for me.
Telling the person you love that you did something that could change everything." I spoke, my tears were falling now and I couldn't stop them. Noticing tears in his eyes made me want to cry even harder.
"Is that it? You just kissed him? Just one kiss?" He asked eyeing me and I nodded.
"Yes, it was just one kiss."
"Oh it was just one kiss!" He shouted throwing his hands up. "I didn't mean it like that !" I spoke louder getting to my feet.
"I know I'm the bad guy here, I know I made a mistake, I'm owning up to it because I love you!"
"You love me but you kissed ?" He questioned and I sighed loudly
trying to clear my head slightly.
"What am I supposed to say to that?" I asked feeling angry.
"Why did you just go over there?" He asked stepping closer to me.
"To tell him that I was going to tell you." I explained trying to become softer, there was no use in both of us yelling.
"So you've both been keeping it from me? Did he tell you not to tell me?" He asked growling.
"No, we both just tried to forget about it, but then I got to thinking that I couldn't keep it from you."
"Jesus , what do we do now huh?" He asked pacing a little.
"I don't know, do you hate me?" I asked and felt slightly stupid and he looked at me. His eyes just sinking into me, making me squirm for about a minute.
"I don't hate you, I love you too much to hate you. That's why it hurts so badly." He told me and grabbed his wallet and walked out.
I didn't try to stop him, I knew he needed to clear his head, I just hoped he didn't head for . I would feel even worse if things between them changed for the worst. I stayed in our room crying for god knows how long. I wasn't sure how long I had been in there, and I was worried about . Where was he, what was he doing, how was he feeling?
I rolled over and realized I had fallen asleep in the hotel room, I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep but I sat up when I saw sitting in the chair staring at me. It scared me slightly but I just looked back at him trying to search for something.
"You'll be glad to know I didn't go after ." He spoke, his voice
hoarse, I pushed off of the bed and took a stand.
"I don't care about right now." I told him honestly and he just
stayed looking at me.
"Did you know I was going to ask you to marry me?" He asked and my eyes instantly started to water, my heart aching a million times more. I took a seat again and looked away from him feeling like my whole world was dying
around me.
"I should go," I choked out and tried to get up and start grabbing my things.
"No you shouldn't." He told me taking a stand with me, coming up behind me and grasping onto my arms. I turned to him trying to wipe away the tears, we both looked like a complete mess.
"If you think you're getting off that easily you're so wrong. You're staying and we're going to work through all this pain. I don't care if it kills us." He told me and looked at him shocked as he brushed my hair over my shoulders and stood closer so our hips were touching. "I fight for what I love, and I love you . You love me, right?" He asked looking into my eyes and I sniffed.
"Yes I love you." I chocked out as more tears fell, the painful tears mixing with the happy.
"My trust in you sucks right now, but if we love each other like I know we do, we'll get through this sooner or later." I instantly hugged into him, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I was so grateful at that moment that I could have died.
"I am so sorry," I said into his chest and he hugged me tighter.
"I know, me too." He spoke softly, rocking us back and forth. As bad as I messed up I was almost glad it happened, because now I knew that he was the one. I never wanted to hurt him again and I knew I would try harder and
work harder just to love him as much as I possibly could.
THE END!